Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm like, not good at living.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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