The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
