Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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