The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
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Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
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Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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