if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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