I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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