we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
