I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
