What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
