Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
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While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
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Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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