i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
