I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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