if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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