Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
