My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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