I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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