So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
