Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
