On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize