he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
