i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
