My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
