If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My bed smells like the plague
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
