and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
