i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
