Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
