textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
