OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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