my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We're not piercing ourselves today.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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