If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
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Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
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Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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