Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
