All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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