i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
