Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
