shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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