finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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