Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
