No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize