How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
