Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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