You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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