tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
