Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
