That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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