he puts the penis in happiness.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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