That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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