I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
