I think my vagina is haunted
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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