I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize