In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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