Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
