Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
