I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize