It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
