farters have to be the big spoon...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
