quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
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