The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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