I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
