He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
