and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
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