oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize