My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
