it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
